SubhanAllah, the heart doesn’t seem to want to accept that we are now in the 16th day of Ramadan. There is the obvious reason for this as the blessed days are just flying away and we feel sad knowing this. I think one of the other reasons my heart is at unease is because it knows that that I probably haven’t made the most of the first half of this month. It’s a mixture of guilt and disappointment with the self.
The doubt that is often created by the shaytan in our minds about ‘if you haven’t done much now, why bother to do anything at all’ – this very doubt has somehow carried over into this month. We all know it as the mid-Ramadan dip. Like all other matters in life, instead of giving up or losing motivation, it’s very important to pick our souls up and make a quick assessment of where it has gone wrong and plan to make it right. It is far more important to do this in Ramadan because of how little time we have left.
So, for me it’s been the long days, the permanent guest in my head: the migraine, college and exams, and maybe the 3 hours of sleep at night. I don’t want to use them as excuses, but it’s more what has caused me to not achieve some of the things that I had planned before Ramadan.
I woke up this morning with a heavy heart and a scared soul. I thought about all my pre-Ramadan plans and ideas and told myself, I wont let the same happen with the last ten days of Ramadan. Why? Because it is in the last 10 days that the angels will descend! Yes, it’s in these days there is a night that is better than a thousand months. I definitely don’t want to miss out on this. I mean, think about it – the angels descend in abundance during the Night of Al-Qadr due to its abundant blessings.*
For me today will be about planning for the remaining half of this month. Yes, I had also planned for Ramadan, but then I wasn’t fully aware of how I would physically feel with the heat and sleepless nights. Now that I know how it’s like I can actually plan a little better.
I’m making myself a new list, adding a few new goals and on top of all this I’m packing in my heart a determination to fulfil all that I plan. I want to experience and be part of it all when the angels lower their wings with true respect.* (I’m sure you’re thinking the same now – just the thought of being in the presence of angels makes the heart smile)
Ramadan is so very special, it comes only once a year but it brings with it an opportunity for the lost souls to find peace, the eager souls to achieve more and overall has the ability to change everything within us. This morning I needed this reminder, I needed to be told about the merits of this month and the amazing last ten days that we will be a part of in 4 days time inshaAllah.
So if you are feeling anything similar to me, if you too feel sad at the special days leaving us, then try and reassess, plan again and remember our Lord is The Most Merciful, He rewards for good intentions too.
* Tafsir Ibn Kathir of ayah 4 of Surah al Qadr
2 thoughts on “The Angels will lower their wings and I want to be there!”
May we all find laylatul qadr in our best state of imaan and ‘ibadah, ameen!
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Ameen. Thumma ameen sis.
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