These are words and real, raw emotions that have engulfed my life for the last 6 months. Do you follow me on social media? You wouldn’t know this by looking at my pictures on Instagram or from reading my early morning Facebook posts. Not because I wanted to portray perfectionism but because, like most people, I’m not comfortable with sharing ALL my thoughts, or ALL my tests, or ALL my weaknesses. I’ve been smiling, smiling at those I meet and smiling through my posts. But behind every smile is a story, and behind my smiles are untold stories (for now).
Recently, I started to think about the purpose of my blog and my Facebook Page. I tried to remember why I started it all. It was because a sister had told me to write, to share, and leave it as sadaqah. For it to all sit there, even if one person would read something and do one tiny, tiny good from it, then maybe it can be something good that I leave behind. So with her advice and my slight obsession with the life of Zaid ibn Thabit (ra), I started my blog. Why Zaid ibn Thabit? Well, he (ra) ended up doing something he didn’t initially intend to do. So, I thought, lets try to take my writings out of notebooks and type them up for others.
But then I got carried away. Like we all do with social media. Its when I started getting messages from sisters from all over the world and my page reached over 10, 000 Likes, that I had to take a step back and really question it’s purpose.
Social media is a great platform. Equally brilliant for khair but also for the unkind, mean things. I thought about my presence on it and whether I was being a hypocrite, someone who is dealing with so much within my heart yet sharing tips on how to gain closeness to Allah. Why do we share such things? Then there is the aspect of riyaa. Where do we draw the line between encouraging good and plain showing off.
So, all these thoughts have been bothering me for the last few weeks. And I have come to this semi-unsure-conclusion; renewing ones intentions is a must for every believer, sharing happy and encouraging thoughts is a glimpse of a person’s life – it’s not a painting of their whole life, and most importantly, there is no such thing as perfectionism. And if someone thinks that there is, then they haven’t understood the purpose of life. Because, life isn’t perfect. Not for me, not for you, not for anyone.
The perfect life is yet to come. The perfect environment isn’t in this dunya, it is with Allah, in Jannah. Up until now, I’ve always secretly wanted a time machine, one that could take me back in time, when I was younger, with no worries, no heartache. But now, this week I’ve realised that as a believer, I have my time machine at hand. It isn’t going to take me back but instead take me forward. Forward into a life that is everlasting, blissful and amongst the best. The time machine is made up of good deeds. I have the ability to move forward and reach a destination that is much better than what my heart can imagine. The very perfect destination. These good deeds that we all want to pile up, they can be of many kinds and achieved in many ways. So this blog, for me, I’m hoping can add to my time machine, the one that will take me forward from the imperfect to the perfect.
Once again I’m unsure of the purpose of yet another post, maybe to come back to this as a reminder about the purpose of my blog but this post has also been inspired by the below two ayahs from surah Al Anfal.
“True believers are those whose hearts tremble with awe when Allah is mentioned, whose faith increases when His revelations are recited to them, who put their trust in their Lord, who keep up with the prayer and give to others out of what We provide for them. Those are the ones who truly believe. They have high standing with their Lord, forgiveness and generous provision.”
~ Surah Al-Anfal, verses 2-4 ~
Please remember me in your duas.